As I mentioned in my April’s corner, today is about us: parents on the sidelines. My kids are now grownups, but I was one of those too, knowing everything better. I still am. And when I was a coach of junior teams, I met many loving, well‐intentioned, supportive and enthusiastic parents. But sometimes there are also some rather peculiar ones on the sidelines: fanatical, loud, dominant, pushing towards their own child and frankly sometimes irritating. Emotions are part of sport, of course. And that parents have emotions too is understandable. But many excuse themselves by saying they are “just very involved” and that shouting is part of that. I don’t think it is. Not even when it’s done in a supposedly polite ‘hockey‐like’ manner, which is not always the case by the way.
How should parents deal with this? In my ‘humble’ opinion by recognising that you do not help a child by pushing and being demanding, or feeding them anger, suspicion, scepticism, contempt or disrespect, for example towards umpires. Or expecting too much from them. Grass isn’t growing faster when you pull it … And if you disagree with what happens on the field, at the very least do not express it in front of the children. The first step is to reflect on your own role: “did I perhaps made comments out loud myself, however subtle, even in the past?”. Many parents claim they don’t do that. But honestly, children sense perfectly well how you look at others, for example the umpire, and take that as justification for their own behaviour. If a child behaves unacceptably towards an umpire, you can be sure a parent or another adult has previously made their opinion very clear. And is that really the example we want to set? Of course, an umpire may not always get everything right, but decisions must be accepted. It’s simple: the umpire is closer to the action, knows the rules better and acts in good faith for the good of the game and the enjoyment of both teams. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. Children enjoy the sport far more when they learn to accept that things do not always go their way and then focus on what they themselves can do.
My perhaps simple proposition is that adults who come to watch children play hockey should restrain themselves on the sidelines and limit their comments to “well done”, “come on” or similar. Any child you ask will confirm this: “just let us play and have fun”. So parents: please continue supporting your children and their team. And if emotions do run high, those emotions should eventually give way to reflection, with the aim of understanding how adult behaviour influences children. That influence can and should be far more positive.
If there is anything you would like to discuss or any ideas you would like to share, please feel free to email me at rob.mudde@swisshockey.org.
Best regards,
Rob Mudde
